I want to breathe like I have pneumonia.

Does it sound crazy to state that I want to breathe like I have pneumonia?

Over the past three months I have experienced and started to heal after life threatening pneumonia. I lost track of days, nights, and weeks. I lost twenty six pounds in three weeks. I broke three ribs. In many ways it was a form of meditation. 

For weeks I could think of nothing. I ate nothing. I did nothing. I stared at the wall and didn't know that I was staring at the wall.  I breathed, and each breath was an intentional and committed action. Nothing else mattered. I experienced it as a waking up to living and breathing in the very specific moment, completely losing track of the calendar. 

To heal completely, and per doctor's order, I had to let go of all commitments and expectations on my time.  I stopped everything. This was a surprise to a lot of family, friends, and colleagues. I realized that people did not comprehend that I had more than a bad cold. Do not underestimate pneumonia! I slowly added activity to my schedule, but only the things related directly to my healing, my family, and my teaching practice. That, too, was a waking up because my every activity, whether teaching, preparing a meal, or simply going to the store became a thoughtful choice so as to not overdo. 

Tomorrow morning I am going to my first yoga class in three months and one day.  I hope that I can be on my mat and simply breathe, and have each breath be an intentional and committed action, like I did in the deepest, darkest moments of pneumonia. If I can do that, I think, it will be the real waking up. 

Savasana Music.

Listen to this piece during savasana today. I like it alot!

Hot yoga is really hot in August. I came home from class and my husband asked if I had gone swimming or got caught in the rain.

It's good to be getting back to class after a break. I come and go. Funny, when life gets crazy and I need yoga most, I back away. I wonder why I do that to myself?

Valerian Tea? Does it work?

Can't sleep. It's worth a try.

Just because you can....doesn't mean you should.?

I can't stop thinking about this thought from class on Friday.

Can it be reversed? Just because you should....doesn't mean you can? It makes me think about the limitations we place on ourselves regarding the things we think we can and cannot do. 

There are so many things we know we should do to be healthy, sane, happy, whole and yet sometimes they seem impossibly out of reach. How can I? What can I do? How can I afford it. How can I grasp it if I don't know where to reach? How can I do it if I don't know the outcome? How can I do the pose if I don't know how to set it up? How can I do the pose if I am not limber, prepared, or ready? How can I move to the next step in the pose if I don't understand where I am right now? 

So, can we? I don't know. But, I think it is worth posing the question while I try to figure out how to get in the pose. 

 

View from my mat

Yesterday I went to a fantastic yoga class at the Museum of Modern Renaissance in Somerville, MA. Amazing space. Check it out if you are in the area.

Looking up!

Looking Forward!

Surya Namaskara! We did not practice in the Sun Room, but I had to share.











On Friday, the view from my mat was upside down. I did a head stand! Assisted, of course.

The teacher of the class made a statement that has been in my mind all weekend. "Just because you can doesn't mean you should." I am at a crossroads in my life, looking at the possibilities and not sure which road to take. His words came at just the right time as I ponder what comes next.

Do thoughts through meditation and non-attachment have power?

A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk and looking at my student list. I hadn't thought about a particular student in a while, I wondered how things were going for her, and then I let go of it. About an hour later I went to a yoga class and sent my intention for some kind of indication that I was on the right path, professionally. Was I doing the right thing by trying to grow my practice? After class I checked my BlackBerry and there was one message and it was from that student and asking if she could return to lessons.

It happened again today. I thought about a student I had not seen since last summer. They stopped lessons abruptly because of a family illness. Just a few days ago I thought of her and hoped that all was well. Imagine my surprise when she emailed today asking if she could return to lessons!

This happens pretty often as long as I have no attachment to the thought or outcome. I suppose this is the natural order of meditation and disciplined practice. I feel it is important to add that I worked hard to set up to set up the environment for this to happen through education, experience, and commitment. After I had the first thought I went about my business of preparing for students and then went to practice. Today I had the thought and I practiced, followed up with inquiries, and taught.

So, what is it? Do thoughts have power? Do meditation and practice send a vibration, an energetic connection that triggers thoughts? Is it simple coincidence? I would like to know so that I know which thoughts to obsessively labor over and which to let go.

See the light.

I was able to hold plank, lower into low plank, and move into up dog the most steadily yet. I almost died and reached enlightenment. Instead, I chose to look away from the light and go into down dog. Let's see if I can do it again.